Follow on from yesterday, and I attempt to distinguish between private feelings and outer actions.
They really have different purposes and therefore different opportunities for how we choose to express ourselves. The #2 will maintain all of those “you musts!” but the #1 can see through the heat and look at what is more effective. See episode #102 for more about the #1 and the #2.
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Aloha Rox,
People see much more receptive if one’s desires (“demands”) can be presented in a way which illustrates how both parties will benefit.
Perhaps opening the dialog with how the other party will profit, thusly getting their attention and positive frame-of-mind.
mahalo
Yes, the #2 is so afraid of losing some sort of advantage by being respectful or neutral. As if hot-headedness was the only way to solve a problem! Whenever I find these big disconnects between what “feels good ” (the demands and harsh language) vs “how would I want to be approached?” I usually figure there is a #2 trying to call the shots.
Rox,
What a great example of the topic when you said “Lexi, over here, please.” Even using the technique with your pet can have marvelous results! Not only in getting Lexi to stick with you, but it’s great practice for when you have to communicate with people.