Beach Walk 331 – Sociability 2.0

Different sociability preferences often cause conflict in personal and professional relationships; let’s upgrade our understanding of this concept to v2.0.

It’s Saturday night and we were invited to a party. I wanted to go and Secret Cameraman didn’t. So I did and he didn’t. Pretty darn simple when looked at in these terms. More often though, there is a lot of negotiating, persuading, whining, and even threatening to get someone else to be more sociable when they don’t feel like it.

I say, trust your inner instincts. And surely it is time to abandon that social pressure to attend things with your partner. It had nothing to do with our host-SC likes her. He was just pooped from a big night out last night, and we hardly ever go out.

I think this going places together has been overbuilt in the culture, and is due for an upgrade in perspective. What do you think? Are you OK going someplace without your “other”? Are you OK saying “no thanks” to an invitation out? Neither is that easy the first few times perhaps, but the rewards are many.

Hawaiian words
Launa, Laulauna: sociable
Laulaunaʻole: antisocial

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  1. Hey Rox :) I’ve been watching but haven’t been commenting for a while… I guess I was feeling a bit laulauna’ole. See how I worked in the word of the day :)

    Anyway, this was a great episode, good point – it seems rare that both I and my girlfriend are both 100% up for going out to an event, it’s always one of us is and one of us isn’t – and sometimes, well, it mostly bugs my girlfriend. I’m not as effected by it (most of the time). But I agree – forcing each-other to go along to things is probably more problematic than it is healthy.

  2. based on your comment mike, plus a few private ones i received, and my own experience, this appears to be gender-related. girls just wanna have fun..and guys are more likely to want to be left to their own whatevers. and yes, marvelous job on the word of the day!

  3. I’m not sure really – I think it depends on the couple, and I feel there is definitely a balance.

    If a couple does many things apart than I think it is a sign of a relationship that needs some work. Or, if both partners prefer to do things apart, that is definitely a sign.

    There are a few things that I do without my wife; working out, basketball, and a few other activities. But on the whole, Eliza and I like to do things together. In fact, I’d much rather her be with me than not. I love to experience things with her, and I think she feels the same way about me.

    For us – we’d much rather be together than apart. But others – it might be just what the “Dr.” ordered to have a short break from each other (especially in the case of you and Secret Cameraman working together all day).

    Time alone is always good. But you have to look at he motivation behind it. I hope you two can strike the perfect balance together.